Top Bitch Syndrome

This is my term for the one girl in an academy full of meatheaded men (not implying all men, or all male grapplers are meatheads, just these guys). She has managed to gain their respect by being balls out crazy and/or really good. She defends this respect by giving the cold shoulder to any other women who may pose a threat to her position. She usually gets along best with the biggest guys in class (with whom she'll never roll) and the newer women she can tap at will.

This is something all the lady grapplers on earth have to watch out for. Clinging to Top Bitch status retards our growth on the mat. Being afraid to lose, afraid to look weak, afraid to make mistakes for fear of lost respect is crippling. If your training partners don't respect you for who you are and the effort you put in, you need to look two places to figure out why: first, look at yourself. If you make excuses or are a jerk, you may be the problem. If that's not the culprit, look at your teammates. If they're assholes who are only impressed by other assholes, its time to get a new team.


EDIT: It was suggested to me that instead of calling this term 'Top Bitch Syndrome', a less offensive moniker might be 'Queen Bee', or any number of other terms. Queen bee sounds less offensive indeed, but unfortunately, it does little to express the true nature of TBS. A queen bee might not want to roll with you or she might roll halfheartedly with you because she feels she is above you. A Top Bitch seeks to put you in your place, show you how silly you were to want to tangle with her to in the first place and altogether murder you if need be. If a queen bee is losing, she'll pretend she wasn't trying. If a Top Bitch is losing, she'll break out every cheap weapon in her arsenal of bad partnering to make sure she wins.

That's why it's called TBS.

So, it's two and a half years later...

What can I say, I'm back. A week or so ago, I was inspired by a teammate to reclaim my sad, abandoned  little jiu jitsu blog and actually make it into something that is a thing. The blog renaissance is going to have, I expect, three types of entries:
First: fun accounts and overviews of the stuff my team and I do together and my cool bjj experiences. Second: bjj technique logs and notes on rolling.
Third: philosophical ramblings about bjj and life.

The first and third types will more than likely be public, the second, probably private, as it will be really boring.

A few things have happened since I began training, and this blog, almost three years ago. I've stopped formally training Judo, which is disappointing, but the academy where I now train has a well-earned reputation for solid takedowns. We practice them every session, to some degree or another, plus we have two sessions per week dedicated primarily to Judo work.

I've changed schools...twice. The first school collapsed because of poor marketing and the second turned out to be a poor fit for me, though the jiu jitsu itself helped mold me into a fairly technical grappler for my level. I'm currently (and I really hope eternally) part of Copa Jiu Jitsu, or as we like to call it "Team Mack the Knife". Training here has afforded me more opportunities than any other academy I've called home. Mack is well-connected in the bjj world, the training facility is large and has a beautiful sprung floor and for the first time in my grappling career, I have more than one female teammate. In fact, I have at least ten.

I got my blue belt...don't think that one requires too much additional explanation. 

That's all I've got in me for now. Two years and change without blogging doesn't leave me with much stamina for my first post back. Hopefully I'll have more to say as this goes on.

--N (Kimura)